Career Woman: Are You Marriage Material?

Career Woman: Are You Marriage Material?

I read a disturbing and of course, a very interesting debate of opinions. The man said that according to social scientists, career women and marriage does not mix well. On the other hand, a very outspoken lady replied with a spicy statement: “Studies aside, modern marriage is a two-way street. Men should own up to their responsibilities, too.”

I will not try to criticize the above mentioned point of view. Instead, I will lay down some facts that I’ve seen unfold in a very interesting place called Life.

If you were raised by a poor family, struggled your way through almost every aspect of your life: be it education and the finer things in life, and you’ve succeeded in making something worthy of your persona, it is easy to understand why you are driven by desire to succeed in the real world.

If you’ve seen your siblings sharing a piece of toast for breakfast, your Mom always thinking on where to get the money to pay the mortgage, it is understandable for you to weave your dreams of not experiencing the same. If you were a product of a broken family, it is expected that your goal is to make your marriage and family life work.

What I mean is, people should not judge the capability of a woman to keep a family base on having a career of his own or not. A career woman loves her children as much as a woman who stays at home loves her kids. A career woman will always seek to please her man, keep her family and marriage intact, much like the woman who stays at home. They both have the same hormones. The only difference is, the career woman is also an individual that has needs; needs that fall on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Like men, women has self-esteem needs. Some women derive it from being able to care for children, some get it from being successful both in their work and home.

Depending on the nature of profession, career women are more adept at socializing. They can always converse with your boss, serve and entertain your male buddies. Because their work involves accomplishing a task, decision-making is one skill that they develop, as well as time management. A career woman is also raised by a pair of parents, who in one way or another, imparted words of wisdom to her which she will always use whenever called for.

Men who do not prefer career women most probably have difficulty approaching career women. Most probably, because career women are sure of themselves. They know what they want. They know what they need. You just cannot take them for a ride and leave. Lastly, career women may not have come to existence if all men are always capable to put food on the table and pay the bills.…

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Marriage Counseling Tip: Men's Thoughts Versus Women's Feelings

Marriage Counseling Tip: Men’s Thoughts Versus Women’s Feelings

Perhaps the single most difficult aspect of relationships is effective communication. When a woman asks a man how he feels about a contentious issue in their marriage, he frequently answers with what he thinks instead. The “I think”, versus the “I feel” conversation quickly becomes a circular argument with neither person successfully making his or her point.

Men are unaccustomed to talking about how they feel, so it’s not hard to understand why they revert to what they think instead. It’s become a comfortable default position for men, but unfortunately, not a position likely to lead to marital bliss.

The problem with this communication disconnect is that when women talk about how they’re feeling, they are expressing their emotions, their feelings. Those expressed feelings are a woman’s absolute truth. There’s no debate about feelings because they are a person’s deepest truth. A woman who expresses that she’s not feeling sexual isn’t saying she doesn’t want to have sex, she’s saying that something is missing in her heart at that moment that is preventing her from feeling sexual. She’s not necessarily accusing her partner of instilling those feelings in her, but unfortunately, that’s how men often understand it.

When a man counters that he doesn’t think they’re having sex often enough, he’s expressing his thoughts, not his feelings, and thoughts are always open to debate, opinion, and judgment. That’s when the argument becomes circular. It goes round and round, the woman expressing her feelings, and the man expressing his thoughts, until one or both become angry, frustrated, and tired of arguing. No one wins, and both partners feel unheard.

Once men accept that expressing what they think is helpful in certain circumstances, like where to go out for dinner, what movie to see, what clothing to wear, and at the same time accept that none of these have anything to do with feelings, they will begin to understand the process of communicating effectively.

Sadly, many men still believe that feelings are “girly”, and not “manly”, and while they cling to this belief, their relationships fail because they fear what’s absolutely necessary, emotional dialogue. There is nothing feminine about discussing feelings, and that archaic belief has to be the first fatality in a man’s psyche. The truth is that “real men” do in fact talk about how they’re feeling because they realize that that’s their deepest truth, which is exactly what women want to hear from them.

For a man to try to make his relationship point by sticking to what he thinks, i.e. his opinions and judgments, is foolish to the nth degree. It is a stubborn, totally ineffective manner of communicating his needs. Sex in a marriage is at times about how both partners are feeling about each other. That shouldn’t be difficult to express considering the sex that might follow. A man who tells his wife that he misses the warm feelings that are a part of sex has opened the window to sexual possibilities. He hasn’t lied, and …

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