Marriage Counseling Tip: Men's Thoughts Versus Women's Feelings

Marriage Counseling Tip: Men’s Thoughts Versus Women’s Feelings

Perhaps the single most difficult aspect of relationships is effective communication. When a woman asks a man how he feels about a contentious issue in their marriage, he frequently answers with what he thinks instead. The “I think”, versus the “I feel” conversation quickly becomes a circular argument with neither person successfully making his or her point.

Men are unaccustomed to talking about how they feel, so it’s not hard to understand why they revert to what they think instead. It’s become a comfortable default position for men, but unfortunately, not a position likely to lead to marital bliss.

The problem with this communication disconnect is that when women talk about how they’re feeling, they are expressing their emotions, their feelings. Those expressed feelings are a woman’s absolute truth. There’s no debate about feelings because they are a person’s deepest truth. A woman who expresses that she’s not feeling sexual isn’t saying she doesn’t want to have sex, she’s saying that something is missing in her heart at that moment that is preventing her from feeling sexual. She’s not necessarily accusing her partner of instilling those feelings in her, but unfortunately, that’s how men often understand it.

When a man counters that he doesn’t think they’re having sex often enough, he’s expressing his thoughts, not his feelings, and thoughts are always open to debate, opinion, and judgment. That’s when the argument becomes circular. It goes round and round, the woman expressing her feelings, and the man expressing his thoughts, until one or both become angry, frustrated, and tired of arguing. No one wins, and both partners feel unheard.

Once men accept that expressing what they think is helpful in certain circumstances, like where to go out for dinner, what movie to see, what clothing to wear, and at the same time accept that none of these have anything to do with feelings, they will begin to understand the process of communicating effectively.

Sadly, many men still believe that feelings are “girly”, and not “manly”, and while they cling to this belief, their relationships fail because they fear what’s absolutely necessary, emotional dialogue. There is nothing feminine about discussing feelings, and that archaic belief has to be the first fatality in a man’s psyche. The truth is that “real men” do in fact talk about how they’re feeling because they realize that that’s their deepest truth, which is exactly what women want to hear from them.

For a man to try to make his relationship point by sticking to what he thinks, i.e. his opinions and judgments, is foolish to the nth degree. It is a stubborn, totally ineffective manner of communicating his needs. Sex in a marriage is at times about how both partners are feeling about each other. That shouldn’t be difficult to express considering the sex that might follow. A man who tells his wife that he misses the warm feelings that are a part of sex has opened the window to sexual possibilities. He hasn’t lied, and …

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Women Dating After Divorce – How to Get Started Dating Again

Women Dating After Divorce – How to Get Started Dating Again

Women dating after divorce can be faced with a lot of challenges. It can also be scary especially for those who are used to be with their former partners. It is like you are taken away from your comfort zone. It is difficult to adjust to things after divorce. For women who want to begin dating again may be considering a lot of things. Problems may not be too far for women who have just gotten a divorce. But everything is resolvable.

To begin to date after divorce for women may not be instant. A woman especially those who are in their 40s are faced with different thoughts and hindrances to think about. Some may think that they cannot date again with somebody else. Others may think that it is already too late for them to start a new life and meet men again. And for some, love and dating has already ended after the divorce because of their age.

These ideas are totally untrue. Divorced women that want to start dating have a lot to offer men in terms of life experience. This just shows that a woman reacts to the different situations in her life effectively and positively. One should not dwell on a failed marriage; one must move on and get a life again. Men who just got a divorce may have had several dates already, women are also entitled to have a new life of romance.

So, how can a woman who just got divorced solve the challenges she is facing after a failure in marriage? First thing to do is to accept what has happened. Some things are meant to fail. It is not anyone’s fault. But life should go on. Talk to friends and family so that you can spill out all the hurt and bad feelings that you still have inside.

After some realizations, get back to life. Have the idea to go out and meet new friends again. It is not too late to enjoy life and entertain new acquaintances. You may ask friends to introduce you to bachelors they know. It will not hurt if you try to enjoy time with new male friends. Join online dating sites. Explore your world and be open to new ideas. Do not limit your opportunities now that you are single again.

Be comfortable in places where you can actually meet lots of people like bars, restaurants or shopping areas. You can also join groups wherein you can meet new people. Get on with a hobby and join groups that can improve your skills with that particular hobby and at the same time meet new friends.

It will also help if you can change a few things about yourself to mark the start of a new life and to show that you have actually moved on. A few changes in your wardrobe or hairstyle can do a lot for you. It’s important to be able to attract other guys who want to get to know …

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Dating Women Detail – Four Barriers to Dating Beautiful Women

Dating Women Detail – Four Barriers to Dating Beautiful Women

A woman’s date can be a stressful experience for every man; the bad news is that very few men know how to deal with it or survive. This can get worse when you don’t know how to deal and attract beautiful women. These four barriers will prevent most men from dating beautiful women, not you if you know them and can overcome them.

Your failure can be your best ally; I made this experience when I started dating years ago. I didn’t have much success and it proved to be very beneficial for me because I had found what worked against my success. The four obstacles to dating a woman that I will share with you are very important to conquer and will mean your success or failure.

A The first barrier to dating women is the looks.

If you look anything less than attractive, women, especially beautiful ones will not consider you very attractive. You must know that to dating women, many guys will think that it’s only a matter of psychology and women aren’t attracted that much to looks. Trust me, I had the same thoughts and they were wrong. For women, looks will sometimes count more than your confidence.

Why?

Because women will use it to judge your personality. “He can’t even take care of himself, how can he be an attractive man”. Try to look your best and take care of the outside details very well.

A The second barrier to dating women is behaviors

Looks count, behaviors count even more. What do I mean by behaviors? The way you walk and stand. If you walk and move very rapidly, women will think that you are lacking self-confidence. This is the reason why you need to always think before acting, walk slowly and try to move as if you own the place; it sends great signals to women about you.

A The third barrier to dating women is mentality

In other words, if you think that you are lousy at dating women, guess what would happen to you? You will become or remain bad at dating women. Our mind is like a super computer, whatever you tell it, it will execute it. If you tell yourself that you can’t attract women, you won’t be able to attract women. It was one of the greatest things I’ve discovered about success with women.

What’s the solution?

Use your mind in a productive way: instead of blocking all perspectives by saying: “I can’t…”, open new ones by saying: “how can I….?”. Trust me, your mind will work itself and will start finding new ways and solutions.

A The fourth barrier to dating women is speech

Or, content. What should you say to women? If you don’t get this part of dating women handled, women will simply see you as a loser. It’s true.

Flirting is a very important part in dating women. Moment you know what to say and how to say it, women will start feeling attracted to …

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Women in Business - Turn Disappointment Into Opportunity

Women in Business – Turn Disappointment Into Opportunity

I am reminded of a quotation from Charles R. Swindoll, “We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” He’s right about disappointment becoming a powerful springboard to unseen opportunities. How many great inventions, discoveries or business deals would never have seen the light of day if disappointment turned into discouragement?

During my coaching sessions I’ve seen women business owners handle disappointment in one of two ways; it either makes them stronger and more determined or, they become discouraged and give up. How do you handle professional disappointment? Does it motivate you to succeed or stop you in your tracks?

Here are a few ways successful women entrepreneurs turn disappointments into positive personal and professional growth opportunities.

1. Learn the lessons. I know, that seems obvious but it isn’t always easy when you’re faced with the negativity of disappointment. It may be wise to step back and take a long hard look at the root cause of the disappointment.

Honestly ask yourself:

  • Did I do my homework and was I prepared?
  • Did I push too hard without knowing all the facts?
  • Is it because it’s the wrong opportunity at the wrong time?
  • Did I ask enough questions and listen carefully to the answers?
  • How can I be better professionally prepared next time?
  • What positive lesson will I take away from this experience?

2. Remember that it’s not personal, it’s business. For many women, disappointment becomes personal. In some instances it may become difficult to emotionally and intellectually separate personal feelings from the professional aspects of the situation. When emotions become involved, it has the potential to turn a small setback into an enormous disappointment.

If you should find yourself becoming emotionally discouraged, it’s time to ask why you’re taking the situation personally. There’s nothing wrong with sorting through your feelings. Understanding the personal feelings involved in professional disappointments is one positive way to look at the bigger picture and discover the opportunities.

3. Develop a support network of like-minded success-oriented women. A strong support network is one that “tells it like it is” and doesn’t sit around commiserating. You’ll want to align yourself with a group of positive women who are willing to learn, grow and succeed together.

Choose your network carefully because you will probably be sharing personal and professional information. A true support network provides a positive boost to your professional self-esteem.

Disappointment is a way of life. It’s how you choose to handle these disappointments that can make the difference between discouragement and greater success. You have the power to create unlimited opportunity out of disappointment – it is your choice!…

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Women in the Marketplace

Women in the Marketplace

The saying, “if momma isn’t happy no one is” should be standard practice in the business world, because if you do not make the female consumer happy, you could be messing with fire. Once you get that fire going, it can be hard to put out as women often talk and share their experiences. One of the biggest things they share is shopping do’s and don’ts. You do not want to be put on the don’t list!

Here is another bit of insight on women consumers today. They are not fully marketed to. If you are not tapping into the 80% of the purchasing power you are not reaching your full business potential especially those who market to what is deemed typically a “male” product such as electronics, vehicles, and sports items. Targeting strictly males on these items is not only stereotyping, but also cutting you out of a lot of revenue that can be had from the pockets of women.

It is said, that by 2010 women will control one trillion dollars of the wealth in the United States. If you think about the previous mentioned 80% of the shopping power and add the one trillion to that, you would be just plain crazy not to try to tap into that market. Women already make up over 65% of the online shoppers and you can expect that number to increase as well. So regardless if you are marketing a storefront or an internet based company, women are the larger percentage of the consumers, period.

When targeting your market towards women, it is not much different then targeting men. When doing so, target your market towards professions, interest, and age. Do not just market by age group. At one time, flash may have been enough the spark the interest of a woman, however nowadays, more and more women are highly educated and a flashy advertisement will not gain the same attention as it once may have. Women know what they want and can no longer be stereotyped as the passive woman who is easily persuaded.

Women demand to be acknowledged as a viable part of the economy. They demand to be approached based on their intelligence and not their gender. They demand information on the product or service they are considering purchasing. A woman does not want her time wasted. Their time is just as valuable as a man’s, so keep your sales pitch to the minimum, be precise and concise with your information, but do not belittle a woman by being to simplistic.…

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